the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
