I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
