I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
