I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
