If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
