You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
