I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish you could order shots online.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
