the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
