I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
