college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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