I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
