they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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