I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
