3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
