eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
