So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
