I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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