Apparently you make a good broom.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Houston, we have a blender
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
