Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
