sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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