U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am midnight drunk by noon
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
