you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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