She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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