yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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