You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
