Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
