Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize