Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
