You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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