My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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