I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
