I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just had sex on a roof
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
