I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
