mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
