alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
