I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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