Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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