I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
