you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
