Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize