life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
