so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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