she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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