I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
