If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
