Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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