Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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