dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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