Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
