Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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