hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
