it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
