Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We have so much sex to catch up on
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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