My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize