The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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