My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
