dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
