i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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