I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
