Don't you send me to vm
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
