You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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