capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
