I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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