I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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