You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
