I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
